Can Anyone Teach a Child to Read? An Exploration of How Those Who Are Not Experts in Reading Instruction Effectively Teach a Child To Read

FYI: This article will be in two parts.  Part 1 addresses the issue of learning and instruction in a general sense as it can be applied to all subjects.  It focuses on the internal aspects of the situation (which are actually equally as important as the external aspects, perhaps even more important).  Part 2 will address the external aspects in the context of reading, i.e. basics of reading instruction, helpful tips and strategies, etc.  

So here you are.  So much has changed.  You’re likely working from home, and the kids are home too.  There are new routines, new ways of doing things.  Fortunately, there are many positives to the current situation-you get to spend more time with your family, avoid a lot of stressful driving, etc.  But there are also challenges that come too. Perhaps one of the biggest of these, especially for parents, is trying to educate your child from home.  You may be considering homeschooling for your child by choice (an increasing trend). Or your child’s school may still be using an online format when Fall comes around (a very likely situation).  Either way, it will be up to you to provide a large part, if not all, of your child’s education.  This can be a daunting task.  

You may be having all kinds of worried and anxious thoughts running through your mind.  “Will I be able to do this?”  “I’m not a teacher, I don’t know what I’m doing.” This time is likely most challenging for parents who struggled with learning themselves when they were a child.  All kinds of emotions from the past are likely to come up, such as feelings of frustration, being inadequate, a failure, etc.  You get the picture.  

I know what you’re thinking: “This is supposed to be an article about encouraging those who are not experts in reading that they can in fact teach reading.  Where’s the encouragement?”

Don’t worry friend, that’s where we’re going next!

The point is that emotions have a strong effect over the learning process, whether we are aware of it or not.  Negative, constricting emotions such as anxiety, stress, frustration, etc. greatly hinder the ability to learn.  This is also true for negative thought patterns, such as the examples given above.  The flip side of this is that it is also true for the one teaching or giving instruction.  If the person attempting to teach the child has any of the negative emotions and thought patterns, the child will pick up on this and have a harder time learning the material.  Children are very sensitive to these kinds of things.  But this is a great opportunity, because it means that if you can transform your own emotions and thoughts, then you can be a powerful positive influence on your child’s learning.  

And here’s the good news: You can do this! There is a special method to help you deal with the negative emotions and thoughts (in any situation, but in this case focusing on teaching and learning).  It’s called self-compassion.  By practicing self-compassion, you will be able to process and heal whatever negative emotions and thoughts you have about yourself in the context of teaching a child to read.  Your heart and mind will be much more open, which will put you in a better space as the teacher/instructor.  In short, you will teach better.  From over a decade’s worth of experience educating children, I can tell you that this is true!

So these questions arise: What is self-compassion?  And how does it relate to teaching and learning? 

A simple definition of self-compassion comes right from the term itself-it means to have compassion for yourself.  We all know what compassion is.  We experience it when we see someone experiencing suffering, pain, or hardship, and we feel the strong desire for them to be free. We aren’t giving them a hard time for experiencing their pain.  Actually the opposite-we are accepting of how they feel, and without blaming we simply want them to be free from the pain. This experience is compassion for others.  Self compassion is very similar, the only difference being that we direct that compassionate heart towards ourself.  In other words, we recognize our own suffering (the painful emotion or negative thoughts) and wish ourselves to be free from it, without blaming ourselves or giving ourselves a hard time.  (Dr. Kristin Neff is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, and she gives a wonderful description of of self-compassion here. You can also watch the video below.)

Oftentimes we may feel that we already are wishing ourselves to be free from our pain.  But if we’re honest with ourselves, we are actually often giving ourselves a hard time internally for what we are experiencing.  This is especially true with negative thoughts and emotions.  

See if this scenario sounds familiar:

You are trying to teach your child a subject such as reading or math.  They are not understanding, and starting to get frustrated.  You start to have thoughts like, “Why isn’t this working? He/she is not going to learn it!  What am I going to do?” The negative emotions come along with these thoughts, and perhaps also memories from your own childhood of not being successful with learning/school.  You’re feeling this negativity inside of you, but as most of us often do in similar situations, instead of being kind to yourself you start beating yourself up mentally.  “I should be able to do this.  Why can’t I teach this right? What am I going to do…”

This is where self compassion comes in.  As soon as you notice your mind and emotions becoming negative, don’t give in to the temptation to give yourself a hard time about it. Instead, treat yourself the way a good friend would.  You can talk to yourself in a loving way, with thoughts like, “I know you’re having a hard time right now.  That’s okay. It’s alright if you feel frustrated or anxious.  I’m here for you.”  This last sentence is the bit of encouragement that I’ve found most helpful.  It’s short and sweet, but also powerful.  Being there for yourself helps give you the strength to deal with what you are feeling, and not add any more negativity to it.  With this inner strength, you will then be much more confident and free to help your child with their learning.  

To sum it up:  Be patient and kind to yourself.  You don’t have to be perfect. With self-compassion you can gradually overcome whatever inner obstacles are holding you back from teaching your child.  You can help them become a thriving learner!

Stay tuned for Part 2 of this article in the next Empowering Readers Newsletter, where we will delve into some practical tips and strategies that anyone can use to teach reading to a child.  

Until then, wishing you all the best in your teaching adventures!

And be sure to check out the Awakening Potential For Reading Success program today!